Friday, January 09, 2009

A Special Thanks to Late Night Googlers

I'm apparently very late in writing up the obligatory "best of 2008" post (in which I pat myself on the back for my own favorite posts of the year), but, frankly, I can't really remember much of 2008, mostly because of all the codeine-laced cough syrup I imbibed during the last four weeks of the year. Kendall staged an intervention and convinced me to give up the happy cough syrup--a New Year's resolution, of sorts--so I've taken up antibiotics for 2009. I promise, if this latest round doesn't exorcise the demon building fire and brimstone castles in my tonsils, I'll quit taking them and submit to an early death to ensure the continued effectiveness of antibiotics for years to come.

In any event, I decided to take a look at the Google Analytics report for this blog to review and remember 2008's 10 best Google searches that led you to this blog. (But first I took a moment to mourn our plummeting readership. I blame my inability to write a coherent blog post while under the influence of the happy cough syrup.) Here they are (along with my comments--I couldn't help myself):

10. Gnome bath tissue butler. I think I know what you were looking for:

9. World's End + Carolina. I, too, often worry that I will play a major role in the destruction of this world. If extraterrestrials can smell fear, then we're in trouble, because my fear of aliens has likely traveled many millions of light years into the nostrils (or other olfactory orifices) of hungry little aliens just dying to suck out my spinal fluid.

8. Okay, this one isn't a search string. It's a comment recently left on a very old post about our trip to Italy:

Hey guys,

I can't believe you folks believe your lives are so important that others must be made to accidently stumble upon them while doing a legitimate web search for necessary information. The arogance, the narcisism...


Well, there you have it. We're totally self-centered.

And Carl is a bad speller.

7. Costco Haircut. It looks like Kendall isn't the only one wishing Costco offered haircuts. Many people have stumbled upon this blog looking for the elusive Kirkland brand coif.

6. Provo Police Hate. Hmmm. Hate is such a strong word. We never said we hated the Provo Police. The police here in Utah County have a tough job.

5. Oshibaba. Clearly, I am not the only one confused by the Spanish Fork High School tradition of yelling the word "Oshibaba" or "Ashibaba" repeatedly until a pre-ordained scrawny Senior rips off his shirt to reveal a Toby Maguire (pre-Spiderman) torso and an oh-so-intentionally exposed two-inch section of his boxers. So much about high school still escapes me.

4. Intimate haircut image. I can't even imagine . . . .

3. Mushy Berry. See? I told you. I think people all over the U.S. are wondering about those soggy berries in Malt-O-Meal's verseion of Cap'n Crunch.

2. Kendall Saves Christmas. Ooooh, is this a movie? I offer a plot summary: When Kendall, an ordinary guy leading an ordinary life, stumbles upon a file folder labeled "Top Secret" while walking the family dog, he hesitates to open it. Inside, he finds secret government files revealing that Santa Claus has been captured and detained at Guantanamo Bay for entering the U.S. without a visa, visiting Cuba without government sanction, and delivering suspected weapons--BB guns--to suspected Afghani child soldiers (they'll shoot their eyes out!). With only 24 hours until Christmas, Kendall, with the help of Jack Bauer, embarks on a whirlwind quest to liberate Santa Claus and restore the U.S. government's faith in him (most likely through statistical analysis of December retail spending).

1. Alex Nunez Law Firm. Alex doesn't have time to practice law right now. He's quite busy:

Happy new year!


  1. Great post. That's hilarious. I love the pictures of Alex.

  2. I especially love the one about the world's end + Carolina. You and your aliens!!

  3. This is so funny. I can't believe someone was angry at you for coming up in their google search. Will has the same outfit as Alex (last photo), but probably 5 sizes smaller.

  4. This is easily my favorite post from any blog I've read in a long time.
    I say that unequivocally.