Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Fears, Worst Fears, and Maggots in My Food

I have a lot of fears. And I have a lot of "worst fears." I think Kendall would argue that my fears verge on plain paranoia. For example, I worry that extraterrestrials will invade the planet, break into my house, and harvest my spinal fluid by drinking it through a straw. Rational? Probably not. But that doesn't stop me from lying awake at night.

Another example: As a teenager, I designed a tomb that would allow me to exit if I turned out to be more alive than dead. And the exit had to be handicap accessible to comply with the Americans with Disabilities Act and to ensure that I could get out even if my legs didn't survive the trip to and back from the afterlife.

Alex's birth opened a whole new world of "worst fears." One night, while I was home alone with Alex and as I was staring into the video baby monitor (as I often did and still do) to see if Alex was exhibiting any discernible signs of discomfort, illness, or peril, I noticed that he was starting to whimper. I intently peered into the monitor (think magic 8 ball) wondering if I should let him soothe himself back to sleep or go into his bedroom and give him his pacifier. It then occurred to me that the absolute worst thing that I could ever see in that little screen would be an unrecognizable hand reaching into view and placing Alex's pacifier in his mouth. This fear still haunts me.

Yesterday I found worms or maggots or bugs (would it make a difference?) in my food. That was one of my worst fears. Now it is one of my worst real-life experiences. Note to self: don't make cream of wheat cereal from a box that may possibly have been the source of your breakfast during the first half of the Clinton administration.

Have your worst fears ever come true? (Please be very careful in what you tell me. I could very well adopt some of your worst fears, and my level of paranoia might impair my ability to live a normal life.)


  1. Boy, just reading about a hand reaching to give the baby a binky freaked me out! I have never had a video monitor and I think I'm kind of glad because I'd spend too much time looking at it and feeding my worries. I've rarely even used my audio monitor, though I have been worried that my babies would all stop breathing when they were very young; fortunately, those fears haven't come to fruition.

    I can't think of many worst fears about myself. They center around my kids drowning or cutting themselves (I know, I probably shouldn't mention those things.)

    My most pesky worst fear is that we'll have this catastrophic earthquake and have to subsist on food storage to find that I didn't save the right stuff or enough and that we'll all be cold and have to do without toilet paper! I hate that fear. I like my toilet paper and my microwave and heat and all the comforts of life and I really don't want it taken away--I really don't think it was fair that the pioneers had to cross the plains and didn't have birth control or tampons or decent beds or food, etc.

    Ok, I'm done.

  2. P.S. It's kind of good to talk about fears, isn't it? I feel a little better getting that out there.

  3. You are so hysterical. I remember the extraterrestrial one, back from our middle school days. Worst fears...probably with the kids, that they were kidnapped and I couldn't help them, or that I get framed for a murder and have to spend the rest of my life in jail for something I didn't do (I blame 48 hours and Dateline for that one.)

  4. Carolina... you don't have to worry that you'll be buried alive now--you know they drain your blood... besides, you wouldn't be able to find your way out (if they didn't drain your blood). They sew your eyes shut. hahaha!
    My worse fear... and ironically my greatest joy is the ocean. You know the whole thing about bridges...

  5. Wow, thanks for getting me started tonight. I probably won't sleep a wink because I will be thinking about everything that could possibly ever go wrong. One of my biggest fears since becoming a mom is that I will fall while holding my baby and smash her or hurt her badly. SCARES ME TO DEATH!! The maggot thoughts are making me gag right now! I also have fears of finding gross things in my food when I am out to eat. This happened a few weeks ago. Ricky was off work, we went out to breakfast after I had a dr appointment and I found a hair in my breakfast. GAG!

  6. I used to be scared to walk from my grandparents' house to our house because I was afraid of the aliens. Great...now I'm afraid again....

  7. Anonymous11:52 AM

    Ever heard of a guy by the name of Larry Winget, he wrote a book called "Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get A Life" Check Amazon, I'm sure they'll have a copy.

  8. Thank you, Anonymous, for the suggestion. With Amazon Prime, I can get the book in 2 days! And then I'll spend my next 3 evenings reading it instead of doing the 1 million and one other things that I have to do with my life (yes, my life). Great idea.